A picture is worth a thousand words.

Bravo Delta sent me these pictures of some of the locals. Having browsed a few Afghanistan albums online this red black ant seems to get noticed a lot. It is rather large. I'm simultaneously fascinated and squeamish about insects in other countries. I think they are thatching ants but I wouldn't like to say for sure. After browsing a little on the wildlife I'm all itchy at the thought of them. Especially camel spiders. *shiver* 

Nature abhors a vacuum

We're a quarter of the way through this detachment already. I'm feeling optimistic today and as ever constantly excited at the thought of his coming home. I thought I would have too much time on my hands while he was away. That I would sit by the window like a lovesick puppy pining for his return. However, the days are just flying past me. I'm busier than ever and have barely even touched the bucket list I prepared to keep me distracted.
That long countdown to his leaving date was in some ways harder to go through than this. I worried how I would ever survive on my own for that long. I worried we would start to get used to being by ourselves and grow apart. I worried that when I was a kid I was the worst penpal ever and I would struggle again to write regularly.
I needn't have worried.
I'm fortunate that we can talk online fairly often, though his sporadic phone calls are always unexpected and leave me buzzing with pure happiness. Keeping on writing hasn't been a problem because I think of him all the time and crave sharing everything with him. It's not been easy though and there have been moments where a hug would have solved everything but I just had to plough on. Reaching the quarter milestone has brought some comfort in knowing we can do this. Just a few more quarters to go!

Blood is thicker than water

I am immensely grateful for Bravo Delta's family. I come from a family that has spread out around the country and grew up an only child. My only real remaining connection is with my mother.
I was so nervous the first time he took me to his childhood home to meet his parents. I worried that they would think I wasn't good enough. I even worried myself I wasn't good enough. He was truly amazing (I still think he's truly amazing too!).
As a mum I knew any parent would only want the best for their child but I've yet to experience the bringing-home-a-girlfriend stage. Hopefully I'm a long way off that yet. However, his family have only ever made me (and my two boys) feel completely welcome.
Thankfully I was introduced in stages to his three siblings and their partners and children as it's quite a houseful when everyone is visiting at the same time!
After the nerves had passed I enjoyed starting to feel part of the get-togethers. Everyone crowding in the living room or in the garden to catch up and enjoy each other's company. It's lovely to see a family that pulls together, rain or shine. Always willing to help each other out.
When washers and cookers and cars broke (countless times) his family were there for us every single time helping with everything. It's no wonder Bravo Delta is so amazing with a family like that.
We went visiting last weekend without him. I had expected it might feel a bit weird with him not being there but I noted how it was strange it didn't feel strange. They have been so supportive while Bravo Delta is on tour, still helping me out or just 'popping round' for chats and advice. It's reassuring to be with them, to be able to talk about him and feel part of his family.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Bravo Delta and I decided that one way to help us to stay connected is to take a photo of ourselves every day for each other. If we can't get in touch the photo is added to the next day's photo and so on. I also love to see photos of the things he sees all the time. I was ridiculously happy to see a photo of his wardrobe with all his uniform hanging neatly inside.
I'd like to make it a regular post sharing a photo from him. I'll name them as it makes me feel like they are owned and then hopefully no one will use them without permission. This one is 'Sunrise behind a Chinook'.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Though it isn't possible to love him any more than I do. Since we met it's been the kind of relationship that as a singleton I thought cringeworthy and embarrassing and never dreamed of ending up in myself. So I try to keep the gushing to a minimum but every now and then I squee and pinch myself. I didn't need a reason to not take things for granted. I count him as my blessing every day.

This isn't the first time Bravo Delta's been away but this is his first deployment and we're now into the longest time spent apart and we're not even a quarter of the way. I don't contemplate how much longer it's for. I only look as far forward as the next time we can speak online or on the phone. Every little moment we get to speak is precious and all the waiting and missing him is turning me into a sentimental fool.

Albeit a very proud and patient fool.

The best advice is found on the pillow

It's been three weeks since Bravo Delta left. It feels like only yesterday since his strong arms were wrapped around me, solid and reassuring, seizing as many opportunities as possible to hug with the leaving date hanging over us.

I was happy in my independence before I met him, before he swept me off my feet and made me understand how it was to feel complete.Together I feel part of a whole, without him I feel unbalanced. He is my rock, my better half.

Now I find myself standing unsupported as if learning to walk again. I'm overwhelmed by the same giddy feelings of realising I can do it all by myself only to break down in tears at the first stumble. No one to pick me up this time though. I pick myself up, grit my teeth and carry on.

Some days Loneliness turns up unannounced hammering on the door to my bubble. In my bubble I'm coping quite well, thank you very much. Though even surrounded by people, Loneliness still tries to crash the party.

So I sleep. I always awake positive, enlivened that another day has passed and I'm one day closer to his coming home. I almost wish I could sleep straight through. Instead I will have to make do with turning into a compulsive list maker. Things to send him. Things to do when he gets home. Things to do before he gets home. Things to keep me distracted. Things to buy. Things to do to improve creatively or physically... Now I'm writing a list of my lists!

It helps to focus on a goal. The ultimate goal being Bravo Delta's return!

Holding the Fort

He has left me and yet not left me. I have to carry on but still hold him in my heart. Life is on hold. A relationship suspended. Waiting for gravity. Waiting for him to touch down.

I have to hold myself together and hold everything down. I have to hold tight until his return. I am holding my breath to hold him again.

Here is a place here where I can hold forth with no holds barred. No holding back, no holding my tongue and no holding everything in.

I will hold the fort while I hold out for my hero.